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The Scariest Thing I Ever Did Was Decide I Am Important To Me

There is nothing scarier than change. When I decided that (finally) I was important, everything changed.

I started performing in theatre, on a stage, singing!, in front of people!! 300 of them!! I got divorced. I quit my job and I started dating again. I prioritized myself and made the relationship with me the most important thing in my world, not counting the kids of course.

This brought me to a whole new level of closeness I had never been to, with myself, and it changed how I saw my clothes too. My relationship with clothes was suddenly about what I wanted and what made me feel amazing, comfortable, and confident instead of what someone else wanted.

I was shown that by prioritizing myself, my clothing served a very different function. It was no longer there just to cover me or to please other people. It was there to express my inner being! To show the world what I thought. Not that it wasn’t already doing that by the way. This, however, was intentional and less in service of the way I thought others needed to see me.

In hindsight, it was the beginning of my Total Style Transformation process that my clients undergo. I learned firsthand that style wasn’t a set of looks from a magazine, website, or social media influencer. I learned it was expressing me and began to ask a series of questions when I considered adding a new piece to my wardrobe family.

  • How does this make me feel?
  • Why does it make me feel this way?
  • Is it serving an actual purpose or an imaginary emotional purpose?
  • Does it express some part of me?
  • What part is it tapping into that I feel deep in my core?
  • Can I care for it properly?
  • Does it enhance my appearance or make me feel like I look _______ (fat, old, short, etc.)?

In becoming conscious of my choices, I honored the inner self that I now loved. I understood that taking care of me and honoring my needs was not selfish, it was self-care. That care allowed my cup to expand and hold more to serve more people. I could be a better mom. A better friend. A better date, and eventually a better partner. I could be better period and those in my life deserved that. The more I made it about me, the less it became about me.

It transformed into an act of service to care for myself. Not only self-service but also community service. Working on my style became about supporting my mission and my friends and family. When I felt better about who I was being, it made me work that much harder, listen that much closer, and essentially love that much stronger. I learned that dressing well wasn’t just fun, it was providing fulfillment and that made my whole life better.

I challenge you to use the questions above. Use them when you shop from now on or when you add a piece to your shopping list. Explore your relationship with yourself and decide how your current style is supporting you. Is it lifting you up or dragging you down?

Until next time, mind your style

Your Personal Stylist

Yolandie Hamilton

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